Okay. So I had a pretty rough night after the roommate talk went down. I didn't sleep very well and skipped yoga this morning so I could wait until she went to work to get up and get dressed. Then, I took a long bath with some of my Lush stuff (including a really delicious smelling bright orange soap that I swear is like prozac in bath product form) got dressed, and met up with a friend for a little while this morning. Then I bought a used copy of the Gift of Fear and ate cheese fries.
It's not that I'm mad at her, I'm just frustrated at the situation. She was upfront and honest with me, and she gave me a place to stay for three months, and wouldn't take any money from me. That was a graceful and caring thing to do for someone she barely knew. We had originally spoken about me leaving in the middle of February, and yes, I would have appreciated a tiny bit more time given the fact that she knows I've only been employed for two weeks, and also that she knew I was struggling in finding a safe and affordable place to live, but...it is what it is. I have to make do. I was in school, finished strong, had surgery, recovered, found a job the next week, I'm just now out of training and working regular shifts and getting paid. I had a lot to handle, and I made do the best I could, that unfortunately just didn't involve finding an apartment in the midst of all that.
I'm sad that I don't have the means yet to get my own place right out of having to leave here, but I at least have my tax return coming in two or three weeks which should have a hefty education credit tacked on which will help me pay for my own place. I also have student loans coming in late March. It will be okay, and I'm still getting modest paychecks plus tips from my coffee shop job to buy basics with.
In the meantime, it looks like I'm moving home for a few weeks. This sounds insane to me as I type it out but I'm actually kind of relieved to be doing so. I've talked about my mom here before, and while we haven't always had a stellar relationship, she's been really good about letting me know that she loves me and wants to help me through this. Between having to commute back to the city for work and class, it's also likely that I won't see her very much. Plus, it's only temporary, and I need somewhere to be for awhile where there isn't any pressure for me to have everything perfectly figured out in a certain time frame. I have my classes to worry about first and foremost.
I've interviewed five different people in the past two weeks looking for roommates, but none of the situations seem very safe to me and I'm going with my gut instinct on this. Either I find somewhere that's affordable and safe with healthy, stable people I enjoy being around, or I will wait until I can apply for an apartment by myself. Hopefully, tax money + fin aid money + employment status can help make this happen.
I catch myself thinking occasionally that I should have gotten it all figured out by now, that I should have found a job sooner, but to go from technically homeless to employed at a good company and on the Dean's List in three months I think is a pretty big accomplishment. Things might be rough still for the next month or two, but at least I know what I have to do.
Cheese fries were fucking delicious, by the way.