It's Thanksgiving here. I'm sitting at my desk, have to be here until 5pm. It's been an interesting day, emotionally speaking.

My (ex) boyfriend and I broke up, close to 3 weeks ago now. If anyone remembers, I posted about a lot of crap that went down a while back. In a nutshell, after a long long time of being unhappy and him treating me like shit, I ended up cheating on him one night, he left, things were up in the air for almost a month, he had made me think he was considering working through everything, and then he came back to the house and broke up with me and basically admitted he had never thought about things at all, and that he had been stringing me along for nearly a month. Oh yeah, and the break up convo? He penciled me in for less than an hour before a friend's BARBECUE. 7 years together, and that is how he chose to end it.

There's a lot of stuff that happened in the aftermath, which I'll probably be writing another post about because I could really use some wisdom and perspective. But this post is about Thanksgiving specifically.

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I've been doing pretty well in the last 3 weeks. It's been hard at times, but mostly I've been feeling strong and have known this is the right thing, and I'm excited and ready for the future, so to speak. But today is harder than I thought it would be.

I never really did Thanksgiving before him. It's become a special day to me, one that we always looked forward to and cherish every year. He always makes some kind of savory dish, I always do dessert and a couple sides, and we spend time with friends. This year, I made my dessert, but I made it alone, in that big empty house by myself. In an hour, I'll be showing up to our friends' home, but I'll be showing up alone. He'll be there, but we won't be interacting much if at all. I haven't been missing him much the last little bit, but today...the gap where he used to be is making itself felt. Thanksgiving is a family day, and I just lost my family.

I wouldn't get back together with him now, even if he wanted to. I don't want to feel the way I did when I was with him ever again. Tomorrow I'll wake up feeling better and stronger and ready to jump into the new life I'm putting together for myself. But today I feel sad and lonely, and unsure of myself. Thanks for listening GT.