The way to impress a girl (or hell, just make friends with her) is NOT to make creepy BDSM jokes. Especially not after you talked about shoving something in another (female) classmate’s mouth to “make her shut up”, and especially if you see that I’m visibly uncomfortable with the conversation.

My dude. My guy. We are classmates. I barely know you. We have to work together in a semi-professional capacity. There is no universe, parallel or otherwise, in which that was appropriate.

Can we just, like, cancel men or something?

(Sorry, I just had to get that out somewhere. I just got home from a full day of work and a 3-hour class, and I’m sitting here going “How is this even my life right now?”)