So missus c likes to play a little game when she orders from FreshDirect—she finds obscure, offbeat ingredients and orders them as a kind of "Top Chef" challenge for me. So we've had finger limes, blowfish tails, barramundi, local goat ricotta, brawn, and, today's arrival, a big bag of ramps.

They look a bit like scallions who've been hitting the gym a lot. What the hell do I do with these things? Any hardcore gangsta rampers out there? Anyone who can steer me into how to get my rampa-lampa-ding-dong groove on?