This isn’t like the UHG saga (I miss BumbleBeaver!), for those who remember, but BoyPenguin’s mother is here for a week. She came in Friday and is leaving....you know, whenever. She’s retired, so she’s not on a timeline.

Let me first say that she IS very nice, we share the same politics, and she likes me. I like her, but she also drives me a bit crazy. Please allow me to vent a moment.

1. She always has a story to tell. You saw a snake in the garden? She will tell you some snake stories with ALL the details. Just found out a neighbor is dying of cancer? She had a friend who survived melanoma 4 times. BP and I talking about billable hour metrics? She will tell you about when she was finally put on salary at a furniture store in KC in 1987. Sitting there quietly on your computer? She wants to tell you about some 3rd century architects and an Italian church they designed. Within 5 minutes of being in the house (when she first got here), she opened a 3 inch, 3-ring binder full of pages she’d typed up from her mother’s diary. She told us about her relatives’ lives during WWII for an hour. She’s going to write a book about it! she explained. She ALWAYS has a story to tell, whether relevant to the conversation or not.

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2. She has no plans for what to do. BoyPenguin is working every day, so she’s home alone. Every. Day. We live in a beautiful area. Mountains. Lakes. Beautiful day drives. It’s a beautiful time of year. She sits at home all day on her computer. She has a car because she drove out here, but doesn’t go anywhere. I work from home in the mornings, and my quiet time/routine is a bit interrupted by her being here. I will say, though, when I tell her I have to work, she IS respectful of that. But I can’t imagine just sitting around all day when I could go on a three hour drive and see cool stuff.

3. Everything is “What do you want to do?”, and BP is laid back. Sunday, BP was a bit hungover, and there was no plan for what to do. We spent the morning sitting around, trying to sort of make plans, but no one would say “I want to do this.” BP started playing the guitar and she was happy just watching him play. So I got up and started doing shit—laundry, cleaning, gardening, re-working the irrigation system layout, etc. I finally had a moment with BP where I told him “Your mother, YOU make plans! I’m not going to have two adults sitting around the house on a Sunday, one playing the guitar while the other watches, when it’s beautiful outside.” We ended up going on a hike with my mother.

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4. Maybe this is me, but I’m a very conscientious house guest. I use a plate? I wash it and any other plate that’s in the sink. She’s mostly been washing her own plates, but only hers.

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5. Cooking. She is low carb, low sugar because of diabetes, which really wouldn’t be an issue. But when we’re talking about dinner for tonight, she said she was having a hard time thinking of anything that’s vegetarian (I’m vegetarian). I suggested several things: grilled carrots, cucumber wraps (cukes wrapped in a tortilla with either hummus or cream cheese and other things like mint or carrots), roasted beets with goat cheese. She doesn’t like cucumbers. Okaaaayyyyy.... So she suggested beans. I asked, Beans... with what? Prepared how? She didn’t know. So maybe just beans? Idk.

6. She went to the grocery store and asked what I needed. I asked for goat cheese and radishes. She did not get either one of those things, and said that she misunderstood and thought that I already had them? So those two items are now on BP’s list if I can’t find them at the farmers’ market today.

Thanks for letting me rant folks. Add your own rants below.