We've had several lists of bad Christmas carols these past few weeks that include the usual suspects (Christmas Shoes, Little Drummer Boy, etc.). However, there are lesser known holiday tunes that also deserve our scorn and ridicule. Here in Seattle, we have two local abominations that I usually end up hearing at least once during the holiday season and now I inflict them on you, GT.
Christmas in the Northwest by Brenda Kutz White will spike your blood sugar with pure schmaltz. I feel slightly bad for hating it because the song was originally recorded to benefit Children's Hospital. A worthy cause to be sure, but don't sick kids deserve better than this corny mess? The worst line has to be the chorus, "Christmas in the Northwest is a gift God wrapped in green." Ugh.
Duffy Bishop's Sipping in Seattle's Latte-land bugs me more than Christmas in the Northwest for several reasons.
1) It isn't original, but steals the melody and some of the words from Walking in a Winter Wonderland. Parodies can be clever, but this one is not. So right away, she loses points for laziness.
2) Plays into regional stereotypes about how people from Seattle are obsessed with coffee and make obnoxiously long drink orders. Worst line: "Later on, we'll conspire/As we sit here getting wired/We're sleepless tonight/Tom and Meg you were right/Sipping in Seattle's Latte-land."
3) The painful dialogue in the middle of the song makes me want to never drink a caffeinated beverage again. "I think I'll have a double tall skinny with a hint of almond...MMMM I LOVE COFFEE!" Not buying it, Duffy.
Do other cities force their residents to endure cheesy local holiday songs or are we all alone up here with our terrible lyrics and poor orchestrations?