Yung Iroh and I have been having problems.

Right now I am waiting for him to text me back. It’s been 5 days. I said I’d give him space, but when you’re used to talking with someone daily for the past year (including when you were abroad or when he was working 56hr work weeks) 5 days of radio silence is a hell of a lot of space. We haven’t had sex for at least 2 weeks. Usually he is very on top of checking in, asking if I’ll come over, wanting to spend time with me...and as far as sex goes he’s nearly insatiable.

But neither of us are doing very well individually. He just started classes, he has to find new employment now that his seasonal job is over,he won’t be renewing his lease so he has to find somewhere else to live by the end of next month. He’s stressed, and he tends to internalize things and it’s affected his sex drive too, which, the last time we saw each other was...awkward. I wonder if that’s a big part of why he’s been out of contact.

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I’ve been hopping from shitty job to shitty job all year. This bedbug thing set all my roommates on edge, we were almost at each others throats for a second. We have a new roommate coming in. I’m not as healthy or physically active as I was last year so I feel unattractive, and my bipolar doesn’t make things any easier for me.

Before things got bad I told him it was ok to fool around with other girls as long as he told me before or very soon after and he avoided fluid exchange. However, I told him this over the phone at a kink party and our wires got crossed. He thought what I said was a general rule, whereas I meant it was a rule for parties only. It didn’t help that he was drunk and I was exhausted when we had the conversation.

So when, one day, he told me he had messed around with a female friend he earlier said he wasn’t interested in I flipped out. He immediately apologized and while I still feel tender about it I forgave him and we decided to close the relationship for a month to focus on us and our communication. He said he wanted to hang out more so I tried to make that happen. but then, maybe a week later I decide I’m ready to have sex again and initiate...but he ignores me. When I give up he decides to initiate, but his body isn’t responding so we go to sleep. I think it really hurt him that he wasn’t able to do it, and while i felt a flash of inadequacy it passed, because I know how much stress can fuck up one’s sex drive.

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The last time we spoke I was asking to hang out and he kept making excuses. When I asked him if we were ok he said we should be but everything is off- his life is a mess. I told him I feel awful that he feels awful, that I wish I could do something, that nor knotting what to do to help his situation or mine makes me feel horrible. He told me I was allowed to have sex with whomever I wanted, it wouldn’t affect our relationship, and I told him I’d rather wait until we were secure, and that while him suggesting that was appreciated I felt like he was trying to wean me off him by bringing it up, like he was planning to break up with me slowly.

Then I said I’d give him space. Let him text me when heardwas ready. That was 5 days ago. No word. Upon advice from my mom I texted him today to say I missed him (and then, because I’m neurotic, another text partially apologizing for breaking my word), but that’s it.

What do I do? It’s almost our 1 year anniversary. We got together again during nycc. He’s got tickets for us this year too. I don’t want to break up. I’ve been crying all week.