Anyone else having a tough time this holiday season? I have been incredibly sad and on edge the past several weeks and it just gets worse the closer we get to Christmas.

In part it’s because this is 1 year since my ex and I separated and the first since we officially divorced. At every moment, I am 3 seconds away from crying and 30 seconds away from calling him and begging him to come back - it takes all my energy not to do either of those, so I am exhausted. I attended a holiday party and it was the first time that I have been surrounded by all of our old couple friends (though I have seen them all individually over the past year) since we separated. I tried to smile and be upbeat, but any time anyone asked me my plans for Christmas or 2016, I had to choke back tears.

I saw my family last weekend for an early celebration on the west coast. I have wonderful friends, and I am tagging along to various people’s holiday gatherings with their family out here back east, but I don’t know if I will be able to even enjoy myself. And I don’t want to be a drag at the festivities. All I really want to do is curl up on the couch with a blanket, my dogs, wine and Netflix. But I am not sure that is the best thing for my mental health - I feel like I will end up going down the social media rabbithole and make myself hurt even worse.

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I am happy for everyone who has a lovely fun holiday coming up, but it’s difficult to feel remotely in the spirit this year. Anyone else having a rough go of it?