My partner keeps sleeping, or ‘relaxing’ rather than sexing me. Even when he’s well rested. Even after I talked to him about his tendency to never initiate or reciprocate, and how shitty that makes me feel. He was surprised and supposedly dismayed to hear that I thought he found me sexually unappealing to him. He said I should give him the chance to initiate. So I’ve backed off, eagerly awaiting this initiation.
That was July 4th weekend. Has he initiated once since then? No. We even celebrated our 1 year fling together, and do you know what we mostly did? Lay in bed together. not fucking. not even really cuddling. Just him laying there with his eyes closed. To be fair, it was a muggy day, and he felt hot. And it doesn’t feel nice to for two clammy bodies to stick together. He is older than me; mid 30’s. He works out a lot, but his job is pretty undemanding and super, incredibly chill. How can you be this tired allllll the time whenever we happen to be alone together??
Then I feel bad, like maybe I’m harassing him too much with my eager beaver sex drive. It’s just confusing because we used to fuck like rabbits. He used to go down on me! He would stick his hands down my pants of his own accord. Even if he was tired!
What gives? He is not depressed! He’s on no meds. I almost feel likes he’s doing it on purpose...for what reason, I don’t know. to play mind games? Honestly, lately I’ve been trying o figure out if he’s a narcissist or just displays some narcissistic traits.
He has absolutely no reason to resent or be mad at me. I’m especially sad that he hasn’t really made an effort to change his habits since my confessions that his lack of interest is really hurtful. And when we do it, it is me putting in all the work—I still really enjoy sex with him for some reason, thought it’s devolved into one-sided, orgasmless(for me) rote. He says things like, “I need to do more!” or “I should really please you more.” but it kills me that it sounds like such a chore or obligation for him.
I don’t get it. He says he doesn’t masturbate anymore since he enjoys our sexy times together. He just waits till we get a chance. It’s been over two weeks though, at this point!
Last night felt like the last straw for me. We barely see each other anymore, so we cherish the time we get to spend together (or at least one of us does.) I’m going on a trip this Thursday, and he asked if we could spend time together before I left. We eat dinner, do little mundane tasks, and finally collapse into his bed, giving each other little kisses. And that fucker falls asleep. body curled away from me. I don’t want to be a disappointed, sex-demanding bitch, so i lay there too, silently seething and stewing in resentment and hurt. I decide not to stay, and after sleeping a little myself, leave around 3.am
i’m trying to be understanding and not bitter, and not resentful. In my last relationship, I was like him, super low sex drive, with a partner who had a high sex drive and was always pawing at me. But we really loved each other, and I always tried to communicate my love and appreciation for him in other physical and verbal ways, if I was too tired to bone. He doesn’t really do this.
He might be feeling guilty. He texted me today, asking if he could visit and see me before I go on my trip, saying he shouldn’t be tired today. Which for some reason made me feel really annoyed instead of placated. (I live with my traditional parents, so there’s also no chance of sex, and he must know this).
Anyways. I don’t really know how to broach this with him. But all I can say, as hard as it’s been not slithering on top of him, I am done, done, done initiating. Fucking done.
I wish I had my old shadow of sex drive back : (