Our small gray cat, June, is sick. We don’t know how sick yet. We noticed she’d lost weight over the last couple/few weeks, but her weight has always fluctuated so we didn’t think much about it until it became really pronounced. Then the last couple days she became super withdrawn and we started to really worry. I spent almost two hours at the vet with her this afternoon while they examined her, drew blood, gave fluids, and filled me in on every possible cause from the benign (something put her off her food and she’ll get better if we can get her to start eating again) to the disastrous (all kinds of shit including cancer). I cried alone in the exam room the whole time they had her in the back. I’m still crying intermittently. She’s such a sweet, loving, tiny little thing. I feel especially bad because she’s never been any of our favorite cat (she’s amazingly sweet but infuriatingly obnoxious) and we’ve all expressed feelings of “life wouldn’t be so bad without”. I know it’s illogical, and we’ve never treated her poorly, it just makes me feel like maybe she hasn’t had quite the best life or most love she could have, and like we haven’t appreciated her presence in our lives enough.. I have to remind myself she was given away outside a shelter before she even should have been weened, so her cozy life with us really has been a relative paradise. I just don’t want her to die. We can’t take that right now. I don’t know how much money we can put into her care though. Today alone cost $500. The ultrasound and liver biopsy they might want to do will be $500 and $300 respectively, not to mention treatment for any disease they might find. It would kill us to let her die for financial reasons if there’s anything that could be done, but we can’t bury ourselves in debt. I’m not asking for money, that’s not what this is about. I just need to pour some of this out to someone not intimately involved. I tried opening up to my mom earlier (over text from the exam room while sobbing) but I forgot she doesn’t care much for cats and believes people should only have pets if they’re financially capable of providing for the worst. All I got from her was “let me know what they say” and “sounds like it’s time for a family meeting”. I just feel so crushed right now. I want to cuddle her to bits all night, but she wants to be left alone. We managed to get some wet food down her throat with a syringe, and I guess that's all we can do for now. I hope the vet calls with good news tomorrow.