I got this EPIC, BEAUTIFUL response once to an ad I posted on Craigslist. Shut up, it was not for sex. It was for an ad for one of furniture pieces. A decoupaged table.

An ad for a decoupaged breakfast table on Craigslist got this response:

I NOTICED YOUR THOUGHTFUL WORDS.

DOESN`T ANYONE OUT HERE TELL THE TRUTH? IF YOU

ARE TRULY, TRULY A PERSON OF INTEGRITY, FEEL FREE TO CALL AND MAYBE I

CAN HELP YOU OUT. PLEASE READ CAREFULLY—-

GROWING UP IN TEXAS, MY PARENTS TAUGHT ME GOOD VALUES SUCH AS

CIVILITY, HONESTY,

BEING CONSIDERATE OF YOUR FELLOW MAN, GRACIOUSNESS, AND,PERHAPS, MOST

IMPORTANT, SINCERITY. SO MANY PEOPLE OUT HERE VALUE ONLY TWO

THINGS—-THEMSELVES—-AND—-THEMSELVES. EVIDENTLY, THEY DON`T REALIZE

THAT NARCISSISM IS A NEGATIVE QUALITY.

SUCCESS ORIENTED OPPORTUNITY - WESTSIDE—SHARE APARTMENT——

REDUCED RENT IN RETURN FOR ASSISTING A PERSON OF UNWAVERING CHARACTER—-MUST POSSESS THE

ABILITY TO THINK ON ONE`S FEET AND PRESENT THEIR THOUGHTS IN AN

ARTICULATE, COHERENT MANNER. MUST BE CAPABLE OF ORIGINAL

THINKING———MUST BE EDUCATED, PRESENTABLE, AND EMOTIONALLY

HEALTHY[PLEASE GOOGLE "CONFIRMATION BIAS" WHICH IS THE ANTITHESIS OF

EMOTIONAL HEALTH]——- MUST POSSESS GOOD SOCIAL SKILLS——IN OTHER

WORDS, YOU MUST BE ABLE TO TALK—————-THEREFORE, NO

E-MAILS———-ALSO, UNLIKE MOST PEOPLE, THIS POSITION REQUIRES THAT

YOU NOT BE ENSLAVED BY UNFOUNDED FEARS OR YOUR SELF-ORCHESTRATED

PURGATORIES————SENSE OF HUMOR IS PARAMOUNT————ITALIAN FAMILY

VALUES ARE A PLUS.

A. [REDACTED]

"THE SELF RELIANCE GROUP"

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So...do you think he's gonna buy the table?