I can’t be arsed to look into my history to see if I even wrote a post about the first psychic I saw, so no link. But I did see a psychic today. Oh my Yeezus.

From the direct text I sent to my closest friends (if you’re on here, don’t tell anyone I’m a secret agent):

[She told me] that I was a bit psychic myself, my hands would lead me to be a writer, i would have books written about me (HAHAHAHA), in a past life I dated a married man and am now haunted by his wife who committed suiccide over it when she found out AND THAT’S WHY I HAVE DEPRESSION due to the fact that I am haunted by this chick AND my aura is close to turning black AND that my psychiatrist and therapist can’t help me as much as her (which is weird, because I’ve made a lot of progress), that my family and friends are starting to look down on me (wtf 😐) and that the reason I don’t date-even though guys find me attractive, they just don’t approach me-is a) the chick haunting me and b ) my heart chakra was closed. So...yeah

I was a hussy in my past life and that’s the reason of most of my problems. I mentally apologized on the spot!

Stuff she told me:

  1. My job sucks.
  2. My job can suck less if I speak up more. YET I cannot get a new job unless I pay Lady Psychic 3,000 MOTHERFUCKING DOLLARS TO CLENSE ME instead of, ya know, applying to jobs.
  3. My treatment team is bunk.
  4. I think that a lot of the insights from my reading can be conveyed to my therapist as things I need to work on. Just not the hussy bit. 100% confident that will not happen in this life.
  5. I WAS A HUSSY.
  6. Also I was a prophet in a past life. Oh dear.

On the plus side, which may or may not be stuff I want to hear:

  1. I am smart beyond my years. Supposed to be 45. I’m 25.
  2. I’ll get with an older man. I choose Captain America.
  3. My work environment is toxic and yes, it is, in fact, making me physically ill.
  4. My mom is crazy and my dad wants me to work for him.

Look, I respect the hustle, I’m open minded, and I would not have gone in unless I was really desperate for someone to tell me what’s going on.

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Can I please get some for real guidance? I would like to know the steps I need to take to be a good future. I would also like to be all like this to almost everyone I work with.

Cool.