And it’s a doozy. Fifty-fucking-years-old.

My office put signs up EVERYWHERE with “I’m not fifty. I’m 49.95 plus tax” “20th anniversary of my 30th birthday” and the like. There is even a sign on the building’s front door with “Someone’s turning 50 today” and then down the hall there is one naming me as said person.

I was entering the building at the same time as the company president and, when I say that sign, I said “SHIT”. So they made me say a bad word in front of the big boss.

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And now I am feeling queasy because of all the cookies and cake and donuts I have eaten. I just had the little bit of sausage and boudin that was left so I would have some kind of protein and maybe won’t crash on my desk.

This is me right now