So my problems at work

Continue. I have chronic sinusitis and will likely need surgery. The root of a lot of my problems at my office is the lack of respect for my position (juvenile courtroom) and the fact that I was placed there (though I am grateful, because it's right for me) without being told that it's more of an on-call job than I was told when placed in it. This presents a problem with my illness and doctors' appointments.

I get all of my shit done, but last week someone had to cover for me and yet another attorney - not the coverer - complained and guilted me about it. I had vertigo from the infection. This week my attendance was also spotty because I had court till 8pm one night (exhausting and emotional 11 hour day) and I am still sorta sick. Today at 3 pm I snuck out to go back to bed, feeling shameful for taking yet more time off but also exhausted from multiple rounds of antibiotics and steroids.

There are a couple people at work who just don't take vacations and the like and one of them is openly annoyed with me for my time off because of illness. I do the best I can and am constantly stressed out about what he and the rest of my coworkers think. This has been a thing all my life - I seem able and attractive enough, but am heavily medicated half the year and functioning at 65%. I need this surgery (it will be my second after a tonsillectomy at 24 for recurrent infections). But the guilt over absences and then the possibility of surgery is fucking crushing me along with the chronic headaches and exhaustion and antibiotics and steroids.

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And then how can I ever take any vacation or, if I stay at this job, take time off for my wedding next May? I told the ENT the other day that half my sinus and head pain is just stress over shit like this - my image at work. I swear to my beautiful kitties that I represent my clients well but my goddamn colleagues only see an office that falls dark more often than theirs.