Morning everyone! I'm frustrating and whiny and still in pain.

Remember Friday when I bitched and moaned about my boob hurting? Welp, it's a lot better - I'd say about 60% better. Healing was slowed because (a) I can't not use my fucking right arm and (b) the only way to minimize pain was to ratchet shit down, and after a few days the pain of wearing underwires constantly got to me.

Anyhoos, I don't think it would be good to go to the gym yet. I mean, my sports bras do a damn good job stabilizing things, but I still think it would be too much jiggling and movement for a cardio workout.

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And I fell off the diet bandwagon Saturday. Not badly - I'm averaging about 2100 calories a day. But no gym.

You guys, the scale shows I gained 4 fucking pounds. Now, logically I know that there is shit like water retention, junk food my intestines are still trying to figure out, not having pooped this morning or yesterday, etc, that plays into this.

But. But.It's so goddamned frustrating because I worry about long-term trajectories. And not being able to workout is escalating all the stupid thoughts I normally can shove way back in my mind.

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I've lost about 25 pounds. I'm still (fingers crossed that this morning was a true fluke) about 220 lbs. If I don't want to go to the gym, I only lose weight on a diet of 1200-1400 calories a day. 1600 calories leads to stabilizing. I don't fucking care about all the equations that say I'm a fatty fat fat and clearly eating 2600 calories a more a day to stay fat. That's not how my body works.

And I know that's not healthy. I know all the reasons it's bad. But it's the simple reality of things.

How the fuck does this play out in the long term? I mean, as I get older my metabolism will keep dropping. How little calories will I have to eat to maintain my weight 20 years from now? I just worry that nothing I do will be able to have long-term success.

Do other people fret about this?