Here’s a full transcript of our message exchanges:
So I joined because I wanted to have people to hang out with during a certain point in the near future where everyone I know will either be out of town or at home pregnant/taking care of their other children. I was a dummy. I got what I assume were two bots. One asked for my number, and the other said christianity was…
I don’t really use OK Cupid. My profile’s existed since it was just a quiz site back in the MySpace days. Anyway, I occasionally check it out for lulz. Today, this happened and I figured I should share the wealth with my fellow GTers, since we could all use the laugh.
I never used to get these endlessly ludicrous message strings, so it’s an uptick in entertainment. I don’t know who this guy thinks he’s talking to besides himself, since I haven’t responded. He claims to be middle-aged. Too bad these antics make him sound half that, at most.
So I’m on OKC and I’ve posted a very detailed list of what I’m looking for on Craigslist.
I can't honestly tell if this is a brilliant message or a terrible one. Each message does reference a detail from my profile, for context. Tell me what you think, GT?
Because let's be honest, I think we all need a drink/toke/cup of tea for the sobers after how this week went down.
So, I started messaging with this dude, who seems cool, and cute, and things in common, etc.
Maybe its true we live miles apart but when I look to the stars they seem to be co close. I wonder if your heart tastes good on toast? I hope that we can meet and get to know eachother just dont make me feel like im your only big brother. I hope to find a soul mate not just a part time lover!
He wants me to try and prove my "worth" to him. Uhh no, not gonna happen. Your PUA bullshit is not gonna work on me.
Exactly zero responses to my OKCupid profile since I added the word "feminist." I think I've found the perfect filtration system! You should try it.
Here are some recent Tinder conversations for you. I hope they amuse you as much as they amused me. First, the Negotiator.
So, I re-activated my OKC after my breakup earlier this week, and I had been saving up the crazies for a bigger post in a little while, but I just had to share this gem with you all today...
But The Onion is BACK IN THE GAME.
I'm excellent company. I'm smart, funny, a great conversationalist, and generally very pleasant to spend time with. I'm also pretty damn good-looking. And yet I keep going on dates with single dads who are newly-ish single who are in the "thrilled to have adult interaction" zone. You know what? I'm tired of being…
Honest to Pete, why on earth do men think their dicks are so important? I had an OKC date two weeks ago. It was fine but it was clear that there was no mutual interest. I have not so much as looked at this guy's profile since the date. Then last night he sends this text. WTF dude? Do you think I care? Smdh.
Am I overreacting here, or is this dude doing what I think he is? (Note: I've had many men send crypticish messages because it's the only way they think we will respond).
Dear men of okcupid,
I've had great friends, great lovers, and wonderful men in my family, especially my father and brother. Because if I didn't, online dating would break me. I would be totally convinced all men are utter shits.
Backstory: I have a picture of myself holding a stuffed Orange M&M.