I’m seriously contemplating leaving my job and trying to just make art. I am close to snapping because I am so frustrated at work - I already was angry, and then the election happened and I’m so fucking angry I’m like, tipping over a point. At first I felt like I shouldn’t listen to that little anarchist (voice in my head) but she hasn’t calmed down. It’s gotten more intense.

So I’ve been job hunting but there has so far been nothing I think is better than my current job. That’s ok, I understand this stuff takes time.

My husband is suggesting that I quit and try, for once, to pursue making art and crafts and selling them. I have wanted to do this for a long time but in the past making shit and selling it has always come from a place of desperation (when I didn’t have financial stability), but I loved it. And now I like can’t even get the motor running because I’m too exhausted and have little creativity. One thing I love about him is that he can see how wilted I am from that. Add to that, that I have few ways to volunteer or take any sort of political action (like many people), and I’m really, really fucking unhappy about that.

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I keep kind of waffling because like, what kind of idiot gives up a job that pays OK (not great) with benefits? Especially with the fate of the ACA up in the air? I keep saying, this is such a first world problem and I’m so lucky to have what I have. And it’s true. But guys, I feel like I’m going to have a nervous breakdown and being at work is such a huge factor.

I feel crazy to do this but then I get on my social media and I have 6 friends who are literally living this dream right now. My city is rich with culture and it is possible to be a successful artist. I believe I have the talent.

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Information:

  1. We cannot survive on my husband’s income alone right now, but we could survive on less (so if I am not quite making what I make now it would be ok).
  2. I have a “gimmick” that sells really well, to the point that I have to turn down commissions because I can’t physically do them. When I seek out the commissions, they come. This might run its course but it’s not like I’m starting from nowhere.
  3. I have a really wide variety of skills that translate well to freelance - practical stuff like architectural drafting/design, and graphic design/illustration. Then, there’s stuff that work well here - crafts and costumes and general art. I am not limited to just paintings.

Sometimes I don’t think I’m cut out for a salaried/9-5 situation, and that makes me feel like a failure. Last time I was in one I spiraled into a depression at about the 1 year mark - and in that case, the job itself was fine. It really eats at me.

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Ugh. Someone make decisions for me. Or, better yet, slap me and make me happy with my life as is.