Why do I look decent using Photobooth but look like a disfigured troll person using ANY OTHER CAMERA?

Just took a new photo for FB. Pretty nice. It looked just as fine before I swapped it to grayscale.

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However, every selfie I try and take with my phone makes me look like half of my face is being stretched up by an invisible puppeteer. Every photo of myself I take with my DSLR, I look either scared shitless or like someone is forcing a gun to my head and telling me to smile. Don't even GET me started on photos other people take of me.

It's gotten to the point where I run or hide or make up any excuse to escape from a camera.

So, what am I doing wrong? Why do I look fine when using Photobooth and ridiculous everywhere else? Do they put special preetifying software into the program??