No, not from an epic fight to the death. ACTUALLY FROM A GUY. TW I guess?

Ok, so I was hanging out with a few friends. One dude has a crush on me. Why? No clue.

ANYWAYS the long and the short of it-picking me up several times (Okie dokie, I said ‘cool, whatever’) and awkward small talk lead me to the decision to get out of the situation.

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BUT before my glorious ‘private driver summoned via app’ appeared, my fighting skills were brought into, ahem, conversation:

“Yeah, when DD loses it, she’ll punch you THEN make out with you.” Basically paraphrasing.

While this, in the past, has proven to be true, it is no longer true. I have transcended the stage of life where I do that shit.

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Except when challenged, I will show off how powerful I am...except I never expected this to happen...

The guy who likes me held up his palm and asked me to give him my best shot. Yeah, I know punching people is a bad idea-I was sober, btw-but I did it.

Next thing I know he’s got my fist, has wrapped his hand around my wrist, twisted me, and hoists me in the air.

Motherfucker. In the meantime, I went into ‘fuck this noise’ mode. I tried to step on his foot, knee him, and while on his shoulder, kick him in the face.

Did I mention I was wearing a dress that had become hiked up above my thigh?

Like a MAJOR idiot, I laughed it off between ‘Hey, yeah, you can put me down now...’ comments.

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The driver soon arrived, and I booked it in wedges. Thanked the driver profusely.

I called on of my friends and told her what happened. She was all “Yeah...don’t see this guy again. Totes inappopes.” YO NO SHIT!

My wrist still hurts.

This has been your dispatch from What The Fuck Land, USA.