I’m of course as disgusted and unsurprised by the pubescent discourse that occurred on that bus as anyone else, but can we talk about the way Bush and Trump treated Zucker after exiting the bus?

I mean, we don’t really have to, because you (if you’re a woman) and every woman you know has experienced the same awful exchange more times than you can count. But still. Why is no one discussing the way they cajole her endlessly like a couple of creepy uncles only moments later?

It’s bad enough that they’re discussing her fuckability from the second they see her (again, not surprising at all. Yawn). And bad enough that we get to endure the dramatic irony of watching them greet her while knowing how they were discussing her body and how they might have to kiss it only moments before. But my god, how much did your blood boil when they pull the ole’ “How about a hug for the Donald?” I’ll just paraphrase the rest of the horribleness: Oh and one for me. Oh look at that scamp Donald running off with the beautiful woman! Wait, I want to walk with you and get to touch you, too! Okay, so, hey, if you had to choose one of us to fuck, who would it be? No, really. No, really. It’s adorable that you tried to brush the question off five times very politely and congenially because you have to just smile and be nice to us no matter what, but for real bitch: who would you choose? Who would you most like to have sex with? I know the answer is neither because I’m not delusional but I need you to entertain me by pretending you don’t hate this. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.  

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Good lord, they could have been discussing literally anything else. The soap show. How much they enjoy the studio or the weather or their lunch or they really love Zucker’s work on XYZetc or any other schmoozy showbiz bullshit. But nope. Instead it’s Look, Adrienne, Ariana, Arianne?—who cares—we know you’re an adult human and you’re at work just like us, and we have the option of treating you like a colleague and making this a pleasant encounter for all of us, but we’re just really feeling ourselves right now, and look, you know how it is. We have penises, you have a vagina, you’re very attractive, so we’re sorry, but NEWSFLASH: we’re gonna have to make this all about fuckin. Like, not in a direct way. We’ll just kind of tease you about it like a couple of high school sophomores for several minutes while you try to do your job and direct us to the stage. Mostly to show off for each other, because we were literally just talking about touching and flirting with women right before meeting you. And hey, maybe we’ve treated attractive women this way for so long that we’ve actually come to believe what we tell ourselves: that the fake laughter and polite non-answers mean that you’re enjoying this, too. But most likely, we don’t ever pause to consider whether you’re enjoying it or not. We’re just loving it!

Ladies, we’ve all been there. It’s certainly not the most harrowing scenario women face worldwide, but uughhh. How much does it suck that in so many encounters like these, we find it easier to smile and giggle until that stupid shit is over? Gah, just watching it made my skin crawl for her, for me, for every woman.

Fuck those flaming piles of corn-flecked shit. Fuck them in the ear with a hammer.