What are your attitudes towards money? And where do they come from?

For years, Homey and I have had arguments about money. We actually came up with a rule many years ago: No money talk after 5 pm because we’d end up fighting and I wouldn’t be able to sleep if it happened late at night.

(I wish this was the kind of money fight we have—it’s not.)

We both come from pretty dang poor backgrounds and that’s definitely affected us lots.

But now we’re situated better than we have been before. And I’m having a hard time convincing him to pay extra on bills. He wants to hoard all our money in our checking account.

When I try to demonstrate that we can afford to pay our bills down, when I try to explain that it’s actually costing us money in the long term to earn <2% interest in our checking account, while paying 6% on our school loans, it’s like it doesn’t sink in.

A couple of years ago, we paid off his car. I told him, “Awesome! Let’s start putting that money towards your smallest school loan.” And he panicked! “Where’s the money going to come from?! We’re going to go into debt!!” Like, it’s the same amount that we’ve been paying towards the car...???? He actually cried, he was so worried! He can’t seem to reason through really simple concepts because he’s so freaked out.

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I can’t explain this any other way, except to say, when it comes to money, he thinks with his panicked gut and not his reasonable brain. And I don’t know how to get through to him

I wonder, how do other folks here deal with money worries: do you have anxiety around money? How do you get over it? And how do you communicate with your partner(s), regarding money?