My girlfriend's classmate apparently believes in the War on Christmas. Let me repeat: this person is in a top 10 graduate Public Health program, and BELIEVES IN THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS.

Ok, so.

I don't talk about this issue much. This is not because I am ambivalent towards it. But have you ever had something bother you so much that your brain takes every opportunity to try to reject it? You can't actually talk about the sheer, all-encompassing fuckery of it without twitching, frothing at the mouth, and babbling an incoherent stream of swearwords?

That's pretty much how I feel about this issue. I can't say the things that need to be said because THEY'RE SO FUCKING OBVIOUS THEY SHOULD NOT HAVE TO BE SAID. HOW CAN ANYONE BELIEVE THIS IS A REAL THING. FUCKSHIT BALLS DICKHAMMER HANNITY MOTHERFUCK-DONGLES.

Alright, let's try again (also, the most offensive word in that sentence is "Hannity"): no one is making anyone else STOP saying Merry Christmas. No one gives a shit if you say Merry Christmas. Some people choose to say Happy Holidays because either a) it's more inclusive, or b) it's easier because you don't then have to say "AND Happy New Year, or c) FUCKING COCKBONNETS BALLS AND FUCKERY, BALLS AND FUCKERY AARDVARKS WOOHOO.

No. NO. We're going to talk about this like reasonable human beings, without resorting to whatever that just was. Anyway, the most mind-boggling part of this for me is that people actually buy this crap despite the evidence being so profoundly all-encompassing to the contrary. It is literally impossible to escape the grasp of Christmas. If it were the War OF Christmas, in which Christmas attempts to conquer and colonize other neighboring holidays, then I could actually buy it. Actually, that's a war Christmas seems to be winning handily, so that'd make sense. But understand that I'm not exaggerating when I say the following: what MRA's believe actually makes more sense than believing in the War on Christmas.

Yes. That's how far down the rabbit hole we are with this. I'm not being hyperbolic: MRA's believe what they believe because they carefully select their evidence and ignore the overwhelming evidence that contradicts their lunatic, illogical viewpoints. They often highlight real issues (such as only men being eligible for a wartime draft, if there was one), only they then completely ignore the reason the issue exists (in the above case, because of our patriarchal societal viewpoints that men have to be the protectors and that women are somehow weaker and incapable of serving that role). Nevertheless, they are, in some cases, acknowledging a real issue. They're just being dipshits about the cause of and/or solution to that issue.

People who think there is a War on Christmas cannot even get that far, because they're not pointing to an existing problem. They are pointing to the diametric opposite of a problem. They are basically left to say "WAR ON CHRISTMAS WAR ON CHRISTMAS MERRY CHRISTMAS HERP DERP MAGOO" without actually being able to point to any single thing that backs up the idea that a War on Christmas even exists. They don't point out a real problem because there is no real problem, even in the most minute aspect. MRA bullshit may be based entirely in misogynistic sociopathy, but it, amazingly, is still not as balls-out CRAZY as the War on Christmas.

Also, this same classmate refused to believe that Easter was originally a Pagan holiday, NOT THAT THERE WAS A GERMANIC GODDESS NAMED FUCKING EOSTRE OR ANYTHING BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS AND A MOTHERFUCKING HULA HOOP — aaaaand I'm done.