Since Monday, my left thumb has been all bandaged up due to an injury. No problem, I thought: My right hand is fine, and my left fingers are free. After I figured out that I could type just fine, I decided that I was at around 95% of my normal capacity.

HAHAHAHAHAA no.

Things I cannot do without my left thumb:

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  • Wash my hair. Mr. Cunning has had to step in and do this for me, which is much less sexy than it sounds.
  • Do facial treatments. Like, I can wash my face, but put on an exfoliating or moisturizing treatment? Nope.
  • Do my nails. THIS IS REALLY BUGGING ME, Y’ALL. My nails are normally super nice looking because I love nail polish. They’re all ratty, though, and I can’t convince anyone to help me remove the polish because “Your stitches will be off soon anyway”
  • Cut my food. I can’t hold a knife with my left hand, nor can I hold a fork. Mr. Cunning has had to cut my food for me like I’m a damn two year-old.
  • Walk the dogs. Mr. Cunning had to work from home all week because we realized I can’t manage our two jerk dogs without potentially hurting my thumb again, and the dogs freak out if we walk them separately.
  • Put my coffee cup on the left-hand side of my body. Except that’s how all “my” seats are in the house are situated. So that’s been fun.
  • READ A BOOK. At least, do so comfortably. I can’t flip the pages without completely reconfiguring how I’m holding it. I can use my Kindle UNTIL I have to go back a page.
  • Alt-tab comfortably.
  • Drive long distances (boy, work has been happy about THAT, since this is the week we launch)
  • Do my make-up competently.
  • KNIT. THIS IS DRIVING ME INSANE.
  • Sew. This is driving me less insane, but I’m still not happy about it.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR THUMBS, PEOPLE.