You are a selfish, horrible person.
I wish I had a decent father instead of you.
I hate you for cheating on my mother.
I hate you for treating my mother like she didn't matter.
I hate you for not being there.
I hate that I still want to love you.
I want you to be a good person even though you have proven that you are not.
I hate that I never got to see a functioning marriage at home because of you.
I want to kill you for beating my mother in front of me and my sisters.
I'm glad my mother kicked you out after the first time it happened.
I'm pissed that you managed to manipulate her into staying after you verbally abused her for YEARS.
I'm pissed at you for going surfing instead of being there when my younger sister was born.
You are a manipulative piece of shit rat who has made it nearly impossible for me to trust any man who comes into my life.
I can't speak to you because you WILL be a jerk about it and try to act like you haven't done anything wrong.
You will tell me that you tried to contact me when I was 18, ten years after you beat my mother and left us all. Ten years after you gladly absolved all your parental responsibilities by signing a piece of paper that said you weren't legally my father anymore.
I don't want to know why you did all of that because there is no possible reason that could make any of it forgivable.
I don't forgive you. I'll never forgive you. Because forgiving you means I'm no longer angry at you about everything I've said above. Fuck that. You don't deserve forgiveness.
You are on my Forever Shit List.
*Thanks greenheart for reminding me that I can vent here. Writing all of that out actually helped a lot.