Things That Terrify My Cat

1. Balloons, just hanging out, being inflated.

2. My face with shaving cream on it.

3. A can of compressed air being used anywhere within 50 feet of him.

4. His own hallucinations.

Things That Do Not Terrify My Cat

1. Feet, apparently, because he won't move out of the way when it's fucking dark and I can't see him and I walk right into him.

Things That Terrify My Other Cat

1. The first cat, for absolutely no goddamn reason.

Things That Do Not Terrify My Other Cat

1. Literally anything else.