I’ve heard from many of you who’ve gone no contact with your own family and had a better life because of that choice. I’m curious about cutting contact with in-laws when your spouse still has contact.

My in-laws are toxic to me and my wife, but obviously family love makes many things easier to overlook. They don’t, especially my MIL, acknowledge our relationship or that she’s gay. I’ve made my peace with that and just stopped caring. More recently my wife had a psychotic break. Instead of encouraging her to seek her help, her mother encouraged her to get in a car and drive 7+ hours to her hometown because she wanted to take control of my wife’s life, choices, and break up our marriage. This was pretty dangerous because my wife wasn’t fit to drive (she was hallucinating). She ended up having car trouble. She stopped contacting me. Her mother knew were she was. She was dropped of at a waffle house or something by the tow truck driver. The details are murky. Anyway, she concealed this from me for about 6 hours during which the police were looking for her and I thought she might be dead because last I spoke to her she told me she crashed the car and was injured on the side of the road. Obviously, I’m not getting past that. My parents were packing to fly in from another state to help me find her.

So, I’ve never felt better about a choice. I won’t attend family functions or speak to her. It feels liberating. My wife has a relationship with her, but respects my choice.

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Recently, I’ve seen how complicated this can get. First, MIL’s sister died. This woman was so kind to me and I really cared for her, but I choose not to attend the funeral. Ultimately my decided not to go home either because she doesn’t find funerals healing and it’s a long trip on short notice.

Now, 24 hours after burying her sister, my MIL’s house burned down. No shit. I can’t make this up. She was asleep and saved by a stranger driving by who saw the fire and helped her get of the house. She’s being cared for by family and I’m heartbroken for her even though she’s sort of shit person (for many reasons). I’m starting to wonder how to navigate not seeing or speaking to her when my wife does (and I support that). I thought it would be so easy, but family tragedies happen. On the other hand, I just can’t with a woman who let me think my wife might be dead. She also has a relationship with the family member who sexually assaulted my wife when she was a child. I just fucking can’t, but I think I’m the one who is viewed as a monster.

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Thoughts? Anecdotes?