I was doing OkCupid and Bumble for the past two or so months. I think 6-8 weeks at a time is my limit with dating apps. One can only stare into the abyss for so long.

Today I got a message from a guy that literally said “Your biological clock is ticking. What are you gonna do about it?” (I’m 28, for the record.) I wrote him back and said that I would rather let all of my eggs shrivel up and die, and allow my family bloodline to perish once and for all with me, than let somebody like him within a thirty mile radius of my person.

Then I got some guy in Quickmatch whose entire profile was the most openly racist, sexist, sizeist, bucket full of ice cold dog diarrhea I have ever had the extreme displeasure of reading. Just another fucking white guy who severely overestimates how attractive and interesting he is and feels completely entitled to an Aryan Race supermodel with a PhD in football.

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I matched with someone who at first glance seemed promising, looked cute and bookish. We started messaging and he just vomited his academic achievements at me and went on and on and on about what excellent taste he has, and about this novel he is writing. Sent me six messages like this before I even wrote back. Didn’t ask me a single question about myself. I wrote back something about my school studies (clinical psych) and he responded “Yeah, Frasier was a cool show.” And then four more multi paragraph messages all about himself...

I was dating someone at the beginning of the summer that I really hit it off with. We talked and texted constantly, had insane chemistry, similar humor, incredible sex. Then, he started some big work project and slow faded me. I was irritated and a little hurt. A few weeks ago he resurfaced, “I was really busy”, blah blah. I had my bullshit detectors up, but I’d been having fun with him so I rolled the dice and asked if he wanted to have dinner. He said yes, and that he would contact me this week after the project wraps to make plans. That was six days ago.

Bumble is full of J. Crew scrubbed clean white boys whose profiles mention sports and only sports (okay, maybe red dirt country music or hunting), work for Goldman Sachs, Halliburton, or their dad’s law firm, and they all have pro-Trump filters over their photos. It’s like extra strength mosquito spray, but instead of mosquitos they’re trying to keep my vagina away from them.

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Thank you for allowing me to vent my frustrations. I am going to disable my accounts for awhile for the sake of my sanity. Maybe I’ll have a shot at making some IRL connections when school is back in for the fall. I hope so, at least.

For those of you trying to meet people online, how the hell do you keep your sanity? I do feel like for me, a big part of it has to be the area I live in. The standard texas guy is a white, republican, gun owning, Capitalist Jesus loving, football worshipping type, and I can’t. I cannot. I feel like my odds would be way better up north in a progressive area like Portland or Seattle.