I tossed my “purity” out of the window of a moving car. Both mentally and physically. I embraced my sexuality as part of myself as a whole person and decided to accept it. To ask me to save something for you that has always been for me is unreasonable.

I don’t know you, and chances are that before we met, I settled, again and again. Not because I didn’t think I could do better, not because I didn’t think my heart wasn’t worth more than who I was offering it to. Because I wanted to, and because I wasn’t unhappily settled. I am not and never have been above taking my comfort and company with another person when I could, even if they were someone that other people besides me couldn’t see any worth in doing so with.

I’m happy that you find me beautiful. But we can’t pretend I’m always beautiful, inside or out. There are times when I am going to be bitter and unhappy and ugly. There are going to be times when I am angry, when I am the beast in this relationship. I am going to be difficult and rotten at times. And these aren’t times when I am working on growing a “better, healthier, more confident” me. These are times when I am so utterly wrecked inside that I need to damage the world in order to feel better.


At that, I have made a lot of choices with my body before we met. Choices that affected my inside and my outside. None of these choices make me worth more or less. If you are a man who respects women, and me, your future wife, then you won’t judge me. My “goodies” have been seen by who they have been seen by. Whatever it has taken me to wear my skin with pride, whatever wrapping makes me feel comfortable to walk around inside myself, whatever it takes that I feel like a “lucky ducky” to be me, should make you feel like a “lucky ducky” to be with me.

I don’t want to have to make you work to want to be the man you think I deserve. I don’t want to have to work to be the woman you think you deserve.

I am not a princess, I have climbed out of every one of those towers on my very own, or with some help I asked for, but I didn’t wait with my face in my hands for you to come. You gotta respect that.http://brettshoemaker.me/2014/02/04/to-...