“Yes, we know we already reassigned one of your coworkers so you’re effectively doing the work of two people, but employee growth is vital to us, so we want you to come up with a proposal to completely restructure your position to take on a huge amount of new work, and we want you to do it right now. But be sure the quality and quantity of your current work are in no way affected! Also, you seem stressed. Stop that.”

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followed by

“Yes, we know you’ve been taking your computer home every night and working for an extra hour or two, but you need to start doing all that work in the office, because it looks bad if you’re only at your desk 9 hours a day.”

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I’m just going to be over here banging my head on my desk repeatedly.