Ok, so after 10 days, I turned my phone on again after dropping in the toilet briefly. 10 days in rice and here we are...
After 24 hours I turned on to find a bunch of green stripes going up and down the screen amongst many other strange malfunctions...
After 3 days, all green stripes gone, but kept getting stuck in the "Can I help you?" Siri mode. Middle button would not work.
After this I was warned not to turn on again for 10 days... so I stopped.
Now, day 10, and things are even better. All functions working. No screen problems. BUT, it is restarting on its own constantly and this morning, the middle button didn't work still... But that seems to have magically come back this afternoon. I get a few warnings of "This cord does not connect to this device and it may not function properly" even when it is not plugged in. And it is still restarting randomly. And the Siri thing keeps happening, but that middle button came back! And it charges, and otherwise works fine. I'm gonna keep it off mostly and keep waiting a few more days. I feel like she is coming back to life and will one day function mostly properly.
I am mainly hanging on to this phone because 1. It is a goddamn iPhone5 and I got it 4 months ago, AND I got it for $50 used (meaning the packaging had just been opened, otherwise entirely brand new) and 2. I have no money alotted for a new expensive phone, and I can't get this $50 deal again, because at the time I was signing up for a new long-term plan.
Dag nabbit, this phone will come back to life!!!!