Following up on this and this:

We have no idea why my body's being a big ol' jerk, but the MIBG scan says I don't have any tumors or cancer! So... so the worst-case scenario has been soundly ruled out, and so have PCOS and fibroids. We just don't know what's going on. I'm being referred to an endocrinologist now.

The one thing that I'm kind of thinking about this now is that I have now officially been scanned from one end of my body to the other and back again. 3D imaging and everything, from my head to my toes. I will now and forever have a baseline for all future physical health woes. That's actually pretty damn cool. Not that I had much fun at all during the lead-up to the scan, or even a heck of a lot during the scan itself...

TMI FOLLOWS

Seriously, I'm going to talk about poop.

Okay, okay. I wasn't going to do this, but I just—someone needs to know about this misery.

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I had to be cleaned out, so to speak, for this scan. It's nuclear medicine, right, so first I go in two days before to get some drops to take to protect my thyroid. Day two, back to the hospital, get injected with the radioactive whatever. Technologist gives me a bottle of Citro Mag, a laxative. Had to drink all 300mL, within half an hour of dinner. Did that.

For the next sixteen goddamn hours, I was... it was... it was never-ending liquid poop. How could I have been that full of I don't even oh my god.

I have never experienced anything like that in my life. I cursed the tech, I cursed the makers of Citro Mag, I cursed my toilet, I cursed the universe. For the first little while I was like "Oh, this is no fun" and then after that I kind of thought I might die, and then after that I lost the will to live, and then after that it just didn't stop, and then after that I said NEVER AGAIN. And it wasn't just the frequent and so very liquidy evacuations. It was the pain that started after about the first 4 hours.

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I didn't get more than three hours of sleep. It actually lasted almost until halfway through the scan itself.

There was also this one moment amidst all that where I passed something vaguely solid and all I could think was, "I wonder if that was an undigested raisin from my oatmeal this morning?"

And that's the end of my story.