[TW: Anxiety, PTSD, medication]

Following on the heels of my previous post, I wanted to give all of you lovely lovelies an update about what's going on in the Very Anxious and Insomniatic World Of Smithwellette (come for the food, stay for the fireworks display).

First off, guise...may I roll around in this huge ball of fuzzy love and understanding you all gave me? Because that's what I want to do and I'm not even a little bit sorry. I have felt so broken and ashamed and emotionally burnt out trying to push through my horrible insomnia and my panic attacks about just falling asleep that to read so many helpful suggestions, encouragement, and great info about acetaminophen really helped So. Damn. Much.

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It gave me the courage and resolve to call my doctor to discuss the issue and I even pushed for an appointment ASAP, so I wouldn't chicken out and cancel, thinking that I'm being a weakass weakling for asking for help. I had a long talk with him today (he's an awesome GP, gotta say), and listened to everything that was going on, reviewed my medication history, listened to my concerns about being on anti-anxiety medication like Ativan or Klonopin again (since I abused it in the past), and helped formulate a plan that we're both comfortable with. HOORAY!

So the plan is to put me on the beta-blocker Propranolol to help with the anxiety and over production of adrenaline in my system without the weird cloudiness that other anti anxiety meds create, and Trazadone to sleep. I've been on the sleep medication before, but I'm not sure what to think about the Propranolol. My blood pressure is perfect (seriously, 110/70, which is a fucking achievement, I'll tell you what), but I still am suffering from a bit of tachycardia (which we think is related to the anxiety), as the doc says even the sounds of regurgitation from my damaged heart valve/dormant vegetation seem to be quieter.

Still, I get very paranoid about anything that might affect my heart. Has anyone else out there been on Propranolol for anxiety?

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Oh! Last thing - I asked for a referral to a therapist who specializes in PTSD, so there's that, too.

And for taking the time to read this long ass update, please accept this token of my appreciation in the form of a monkey washing a cat: