It will be two weeks on Tinder this weekend and it’s not nearly as Tindery as I thought it would be! I hope I am not stepping on FloralBonnet’s toes since I love her OKCupid diaries and she is also way better at dating than I am.

To preface this, I am completely new to Tinder. I have no idea what the standard Tinder ettiquette is so I just dove right in. I’ve also found that most of the men I have chatted with seem like sound-minded individuals or at least they haven’t asked me for nudes or whatever.

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What’s nice about the app is that you have to match with someone in order to be able to chat with them. That’s what all the swipe left/right stuff is about; left is a “like” and right is a “no” so if both of you “like” each other you get a notification and can choose to send a message.

It’s not just a picture either, you can choose to write a bio, most of them are small but I’ve seen some novels, you can add 6 or so pictures and link to your instagram, which I did, more on that later. When you chat it is through the app so it’s not invading your privacy by showing your phone number to anyone.

It is judgmental, but you know what? Everyone on there is fully aware of this. It’s not much different from striking up a conversation at a bar except the bar is a bunch of randoms on my phone. There are things that I’m attracted to that other girls aren’t so yeah, it’s a shallow dating app but you don’t really see much rejection, or at least I’m not paying enough attention to know when someone I “like” isn’t a “match” for the most part, they are, which is cool, I can’t help it that I’m so popular!

I’m just joking! But it is a good feeling seeing more than one person strike up a conversation with me because they like my steez.

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Some things I don’t really like about the app is that you have to link it to your Facebook. I am immediately wary of any app that links to Facebook because not everybody has one, anyone can make one, and it doesn’t prove that I’m a real person! Catfish has proved time and again that anyone can make a fake Facebook profile! It’s just silly and I feel like I’m part of some corporate scheme anytime I have to allow Facebook into my phone apps. But I digress...

The app also uses up a ton of battery because internets! Not a dealbreaker but now I have to charge my phone more.

I gave a few guys my number; Wine Guy from before, the self-proclaimed Southern Gentleman, a Jon Snow impersonator (his words) who also happens to be British (so he says), the Musician who lives with his parents, but Donatello is his favorite Ninja Turtle so I’m giving him a chance.

My main picture is of me in this t-shirt so that’s been a conversation starter. And my instagram is mostly pictures I take of personalized license plates and my tortoise. But I’ve been getting a lot of followers from Tinder, which is weird, not terrible, just weird, a little invasive but it’s a public profile I willingly linked to so I have nothing to complain about.

I never really thought of it as a deal breaker but I absolutely hate pizza (I know, I’m weird) but there are a TON of pizza enthusiasts on Tinder. They love pizza enough to put it in their dating profile, that’s a passion I can’t match. I’m debating whether I should mention this, it’s really a non-issue to me, eat your pizza, I’ll eat something else but there was one profile picture that was just a pizza. So there is literally an anthropomorphic pizza on Tinder. This is haunting my dreams =(

I have plans with the Musician tonight, and Wine Guy on Saturday, and someone from OKC on Sunday and maybe Jon Snow in there too so I’m bustin out my raincoat because my weekend is raining men!

Also if you don’t hear from me please contact the authorities because I was likely murdered.

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They all seem VERY EXCITED to meet me, but color-me-skeptical because chances are, I might never speak to these guys again. I remain mostly ambivalent because well, that’s just my default. I’ll try to keep an open mind or heart or whatever, but it’s hard to picture myself meeting someone who makes me feel completely smitten. Maybe I’ll make some friends! But you never know, I could find the Theon to my Greyjoy on Tinder and it will be a totally awkward story to tell my family members when they ask! Zippitydoo!

Here’s the stats so far:
Matches: 32
New Conversations: 3 I think?
Murders so far: 0 (I’m still alive guys!)
Headless abs: I lost count (I’ll try to keep a better count next time)
Picture of just a pizza: 1
Arms wide open mountaintop pics: STILL TOO MANY

Previously on: