My Sister in Law's wedding is next weekend (gulp!) and DAMN IT, I want to wear a fucking hat. This is the first of what I can only assume will be several weddings that my in-laws will be involved in over the years and it is England and I WANT TO WEAR A HAT GIMME A HAT.

Only apparently you're not really supposed to wear hats to evening weddings? And if you do wear a hat, it has to be smaller than the mother of the bride's hat? (My MIL has no plans to festoon herself in a hat, apparently.) Why is wedding convention trying to BREAK MY HEART?

Whatever. I want a fucking hat anyway. If I can't wear it to the wedding, I can bring it home to the US and wear it out to get groceries and become some sort of local oddity, The Lady Wearing The Hat. That could happen, right? People might have their hearts lifted by the sight of a be-hatted lady in the produce section.

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The dress I'm wearing to the wedding is either: boring black with lace panels or boring black with a cute white colorblocked back (I haven't decided) so all of my fun will be in my hat. (Or, if I don't wear the hat, all of my fun will be in my liver.)

Help me find a hat! True story: all hats look good on me. Really anything that obscures my face looks amazing on me.

Adorable Downton-esque cloche?

Or second adorable Downton-esque cloche?

Small beflowered head disk?

Whimsical polka dot hat? (This would not go with boring lace panel dress, but would be great with black and white dress)

Bow bedecked UFO?

Gorgeous grey hat?

Or my personal favorite, my current reason for living, and the end-all-be-all of hats, forever and ever, amen,

This marvelous beauty.

(I do not think I could wear that to the wedding, but I could wear it around my HOUSE and be content forever.)

This is an important decision, GT. I need your help.