Can I just be really pissed at the world for a minute?
Earlier today Gawker posted an article about a man who just sentenced for raping his ex-stepdaughter—he was first charged after the victim's mother read her daughter's college entrance exam about the abuse.
I mentioned in the comments that I wrote about my rape for my college entrance exam as well, and for whatever reason, talking about the process of writing the essay provoked a serious trigger reaction. I don't think I've ever talked about the essay before, and revisiting it really upset me. I've been able to talk about the rape itself in a relatively dispassionate way for a very long time, but remembering writing the essay, and how weirdly dirty and ashamed it made me feel, affected me really profoundly. I've been crying at my desk on and off for the last few hours, which really isn't a reaction I thought anything about the rape could ever provoke again.
Most of the comments have been very supportive—one guy did ask if I did if for shock value, but whatever, by Gawker standards that's practically enlightened (hell, he even said he was sorry it happened to me first). But I just got this response from someone claiming to be an admissions officer, and now I'm fucking pissed as well as triggered.
The comment is so assholic from start to finish to that I could just quote the whole damned thing, but the most offensive part:
I know this will launch a thousand migrating Jezebel flamethrowers, but I am not sure how much "amaze" I would feel about coming across such a disclosure in an essay. On the one hand I would feel compelled, as apparently this board did, to see if there was some way for the victim to seek justice/succor. I would feel a great degree of uncertainty admitting someone to a program (which is really any upper division program at most OK and better schools) where students have and are expected to have and maintain a lot of professional and TMI-type distance from the faculty and even other students – like, I'm not sure there would be an adequate social support system in place. And then assuming the person had commensurate academic credentials with the other applicants, I would feel really awkward about not accepting them.
Really? Fucking REALLY? Writing about being raped suggests that an applicant is unable to be professional and would probably burden faculty and other students with "TMI"? GO FUCKING FUCK YOURSELF, YOU GODDAMN MISOGYNISTIC CREEP.
Being raped and having the temerity to talk about it doesn't make women dirty or bad. It doesn't mean they're incapable of being professional or that they don't have appropriate boundaries. And suggesting either of those things, to a woman recounting the story of her rape, no less, makes you a GIANT FUCKING ASSHOLE.
I'm not dismissing because I think a comment in which a college admissions professional admits that women talking about being raped would make him think they were not suitable to attend his institution is worth leaving for other people to see, and I'm not replying because I don't have the intestinal fortitude to get anywhere beyond FUCKING FUCK YOU, YOU HORRIBLE PIECE OF SHIT, but I'm really fucking angry, and somehow I feel even worse than I did before.