In an hour I'm going to be requesting Valium for my second IUD attempt. Ten days ago two different nurses made four total attempts to insert Mirena past the inner os of my cervix to no avail. I kept it together, requested only a sixty second break after the cervical clamp fell off and it was determined we'd be starting all over, apologized when I shouted "fuck" the third time the clamp was applied, attempted to crack jokes, but ultimately left sweating and shaking and packing exactly zero IUDs.
Today will be different. The beginning will be the same: stirrups, bimanual exam, speculum, clamp. This will be followed by a paracervical block. Local anesthetic will be delivered via needle into the cervical fornices (the pockets around your cervix), then the cervix will be dilated so that the fucking Mirena can get all the way inside. Notice I dropped the possessive pronoun to provide some psychological distance for myself.
I expect it to suck. I expect it to hurt. I fucking expect to be offered a sedative. Blargh. As I stated to the very lovely nurse at the other Planned Parenthood a week ago Thursday when she suggested this just wasn't for me: "I wouldn't be doing this to myself if I hadn't gotten pregnant." Hopefully this will be the end of the "unplanned pregnancy/abortion/IUD hell" chapter of my life.
Updates later. Thanks for your GT love.