I quit my job on Wednesday! I put in notice through almost the end of July. The relief is starting to set in but hasn’t quite taken hold yet. I think it hasn’t hit me. I’ve been at this company 7 years (and it’s only 10 years old). The hardest part was my bosses, who I really feel have turned into monsters and made my life miserable, were super fucking shocked and you could tell I hit them in the hurt-y place. They deserve that - I am AMAZED they didn’t notice my change in attitude or anything. But it hurt me nonetheless.

I didn’t air a bunch of grievances - I think the toughest thing (for them) I said was that “I don’t see a future for myself here.” They were so thoroughly confused by that statement. I had to explain to them that my position feels like a dead end. That it was time to build something for myself and be in the driver’s seat.

At some point I thought maybe it was unfair of me not to state how unhappy I was along the way - but I saw people around me doing it and getting retaliated against or ignored. It didn’t seem worth it. It’s possible they might have taken me more seriously (I usually got preferential treatment, which only really annoyed me). The only inspirational/wisdom meme I like is this one my coworker has printed in her office that says “Stop giving CPR to dead situations.”

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I am feeling kind of the guilt/regret of a breakup - I did something I know I had to and still wish I didn’t have to hurt anyone’s feelings. Once upon a time we were very close and tight-knit. I can’t just not care about them. I know that I will start to come back around when the same old shit starts happening. I mean, I sat with this decision since Christmas. I’ve had time to think about it and back out. But I just had like a spike of INSTANT REGRET feeling haha.

I feel a little like Mango.

The other things going on this week that may or may not be affecting how I am processing all of this:

  • I had to take medroxyprogresterone to jump start my period which never comes to get an IUD. So I was like, a hormone monster and then yesterday got an IUD which...YEOWWWWWWW. It’s better today. I got Skyla, which is baby sized because apparently I have small parts...? I wanted the Paraguard but the doctor wanted to put me on a hormone because I am seemingly headed into early menopause and they didn’t want anything scary to develop down there in all my not period having and said hormones would help.
  • A friend of mine got suddenly diagnosed with Thrombotic Thrombocytopenic Purpura (TTP). Her outlook is good but she has to get a billion blood and plasma transfusions, and she has a long road ahead, so we’ve been going to donate (and I’ve been driving others who don’t have cars since the centers are in our suburbs). Anyway, if you are a blood donor type of person and want to help and have The Blood Center in your area, you can message me on Twitter (@Hello_My_Lover) and I’ll tell you how to donate a replacement donation for her (your blood type doesn’t matter - it’s just that you donate and your blood is a credit toward her).

OT or whatev.

ETA! Also today is the 10 year anniversary of my moving to New Orleans and I am feelings-y.