My mother was a government worker. Her plan left her with a nice pension going out, medical care, and a great support system. I always thought that she planned the hell out of her retirement.

I'm beginning to think that I was wrong.

She remarried when I was twenty to someone who hadn't planned as well. I figured she'd get him straightened out. After all, he made good money, was still young, and they had two incomes now. I'm 33 now, and I just found out that he hasn't been contributing to a retirement plan. At all.

He's going to be sixty.

I also found out that she didn't structure her retirement to benefit him after she passes. He'll have just enough to pay for health insurance.

They're still not putting anything into his retirement plan.

I recently remarried, and my husband talks about us moving away. He hates the area, and stays here only because of me and the kids. Once we're done with kids, he wants to leave. Mentioning this sends my mother into a full-blown panic.

"But what about us? What will we do?"

"Do you seriously expect me to stick around until you die?"

"Well... yes! Of course!"

I'm an only child. There is no other sibling to trade duties with. I find a boiling anger rising in me. She resented the hell out of her mother for doing this to her, and she had two other siblings and a passel of nieces and nephews that helped out. I'm alone. She expects me to give up my life because she doesn't feel like planning anything in advance.

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I don't know what to do. Leave and tell her to deal with her own shit? Sit her down and lay out the facts of what I'm willing to do? The latter sounds more humane, but it also means dealing with emotional warfare.

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