So I have a friend, let’s call her Rebecca. She was (is?) dating a fella, let’s call him Sam. They moved in together, talked about marriage and babies, they were seemingly on the same page with that even though his timeline was a bit longer than hers. ETA: By a year or two, not like 10 years.

They appeared happy and behaved like a couple in love. Then she told me a few months ago that our mutual friend Jan caught him on Tinder while she was swiping & confronted him about it. Sam told Jan that he wasn’t on there looking, he had downloaded it to swipe with his friends at work ‘as a game’ and it wasn’t a big deal. Jan wasn’t buying it and told Rebecca what she’d seen.

Rebecca downloaded Tinder and Sam eventually showed up as she swiped. She was crestfallen but still wanted to believe that he wasn’t cheating. She asked him about it, he said it was just a game amongst coworkers, she pressed, he said he wasn’t ‘actively looking’ for anyone else. That was a few months ago.

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Last night Rebecca tells me that she found out Sam actually cheated. I don’t know the nitty gritty details-all I know is cheating happened.

I offered to come over but she said no, she was good. I’ve told her I was available to talk if she needed it. She also asked me not to tell anyone in the friend group which I definitely won’t. So I’m kind of at a stalemate. I don’t want to pressure her to talk about it if she’s just not ready to yet but I also don’t want her to feel abandoned.

Is there anything I’m not thinking of aside from just giving her her space until she’s ready to talk?

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TL;dr: How can I be supportive when my best friend just told me her boyfriend cheated but she’s hermiting and says she doesn’t want to talk about it?