So, my mother lashed out at me out of nowhere yesterday. I have begun to realize that all of the dumbass memes about how “friends are the family that you choose” and blood being thicker than water that my sister had been posting on Facebook were directed at me.
My mom also informed me that I wish that she had died instead of my father.
In January, my mom asked me to help out with $1000 to replace their water heater. She had it, in cash, within hours. A few weeks ago, my sister texted me during school hours saying that mom was stressed about the water heater. She didn’t ask for more money or anything. That’s all she said. During recess, I texted back saying, “I thought you replaced it in January.”
That was my crime. I texted Mom and called her a bunch with no response, but I just figured she was busy. Didn’t even cross my mind that she was mad at me.
I never heard from my family again, until Mom told me the awful thing about me wishing it was her instead of dad. I am so fucking confused. I have been getting texts all day about how my sister always helps her so much more and that I hate them all.
How does my sister help my mom? She pays rent. Because she fucking lives there. She pays below-market rate rent for a house that she and her two kids live in. That’s what makes her such an angel. My sister is also the same person who moved her abusive, meth-addicted (now ex) husband into that house and refused to speak to my parents when they kicked him out. She took her two kids out of a stable house to live in a motel with a meth-addict.
She did not let my dad see his grandkids during his last Christmas, because he was “heartless” for kicking out a 30 year-old man who did meth and refused to work or pay rent. Dad tried to deliver their Christmas presents to her work and she threatened to call the cops; he was dead within 6 months. She only reestablished contact when dad got diagnosed.
It was me who set up a gofundme account because dad didn’t have health or life insurance. It was me who postponed student teaching 6 months so I could help them financially. I flew back and forth between SF and PDX 6 times in three months. I stayed up all night for a week to take care of him while he was dying and to let my mom sleep. The last time they asked for money, I literally had my sister drive me to an ATM and took out $1000 cash.
My mom still never spoke to sister like this, even when my sister was only calling them to say that she hated them for kicking her husband out. I would be scolded for being angry at her about those things. I always thought both parents would always have all of our backs because how patient they were with my sister.
The last conversation my mom and I had before she told me that I wish she was dead was about how ugly the clothes were during the last season of Mad Men.
This came out of fucking left field. That whole side of the family has unfriended and blocked me on Facebook. I feel like I must be crazy, that I’m missing something. I’m completely gutted. I was already sad about the two year anniversary of the diagnosis of my dad’s cancer.
What’s going on? Anyone ever have this happen? Was I supposed to just rush to send a random amount cash without even being asked? We just bought tickets to Istanbul and had a surprise ER bill after I got pneumonia, so that wasn’t feasible at the moment. I still don’t even know if she replaced the goddamn water heater.
I would chock this all up to grief and anxiety on her part and give her time, but she was just awful. She told me that she always knew there was something wrong with me. A lot of shit like that.
I feel so stupid, because I am in my 30's and I didn’t see she was capable of this until now. My whole life, we would cut off contact with a relative or family friend suddenly and I would always take her assertion that they were rotten at face value. Did she just do that to me? I thought I had loving, stable parents. Is it possible to have been wrong about that until well into adulthood?
I’ll be in Istanbul in a week, and I don’t know how I can enjoy myself after this. I don’t know if this can be fixed.