I went on a third date with this guy and things went well. We had dinner and then frozen yogurt. In between that we stopped somewhere and just hung out for a while 'cause we were too full to have the frozen yogurt right away. I noticed how he would play around with me (like poke me and stuff like that) and it was ok at first, but then I said to stop multiple times. I could see at first how me saying no and smiling at the same time could be misinterpreted, but it was annoying. When I say no, no matter what face I have, I mean no. I kind of brushed it off but I was annoyed and kinda thought about it off and on the rest of the date. When we got to the frozen yogurt place we waited a bit because it was full of people, and he went in for a kiss but I didn't want to at the time. He backed off.
So, let me back track. Our second date last week he held me hand when we sat next to each other and my hand was on my leg. He asked if that was ok only after he did that and I was ok with it, but to be honest I am not big on being touchy feely so soon (maybe it is not soon for others, but to me it is) but I don't know if it's because I thought it was nice to have some affection or what, but I allowed it. He also went in for a kiss which was fine, but I just wasn't feeling it and it was kind of awkwardly done. I dismissed it as it being awkward timing but now I think I just didn't feel anything during the kiss.
Back to tonight, after the frozen yogurt he took me back to my car. We sat for a few minutes and talked and goofed off and then he went in for a kiss again. I said no and I guess he didn't realize I meant it but he did it a few times after that and I kept turning away. I guess he thought I was playing and tried to save face or something and playfully bit me on my arm but he did it hard. I told him it hurt and he said he was sorry and he didn't mean to hurt me. So it was awkward and we stayed quiet and he asked me "Are you ok?" and later "Did I do something to make you uncomfortable?". I told him "Yes. I told you I didn't want to kiss right now and you kept trying" and then he said "Well I'm sorry. I thought you were just playing hard to get. I'll back off". I feel like once he bit me I was just done. It didn't help that during that silence I kept thinking about ex-Hopeful. Eventually I walked out and he just drove off. Yup he drove off...
I noticed weird little things about him during the last date but I thought he was just awkward.
I was really surprised by this whole thing tonight and I freaked out and texted ex-Hopeful and asked him to call me. We talked through it and he stayed on the phone with me for a while.
I feel like I need to write a post about when we victim-blame ourselves. Even in this post there is a tone I have where I make excuses for this person and while I don't believe he is a bad guy, he did not deal with this situation in the best way even if he is that awkward. I have realized I used to excuse a lot of behavior in my pre-feminism days and even today I catch myself using victim-blaming language on myself or even making light of situations.