(I tried to post this on Monday - but it never showed - am trying again.)

Yesterday, I had some groceries delivered to my house. The delivery guy rang my doorbell, I buzzed him into the building and went down the stairs to meet him. He insisted on carrying the groceries up the stairs for me. I stopped at my doorway and told him he could hand them to me. He said, “Awww, this is as far as I get?” And said he could bring them in for me. I refused, and he told me he had put a present in one of my bags for me. It turned out it was a piece of chocolate with a note thanking me. I threw both away because I was uncomfortable with the whole thing. It was super weird, and I complained to the company. A year or so ago, a woman was raped by a peapod delivery guy - so I’ve been pretty wary since then.

Nothing bad happened when I asserted myself in this situation - but it reminds me of times I have asserted my boundaries or said I was uncomfortable, and it has not gone well. I’ve been threatened with rape for not wanting to sit next to a man who sat next to me on the train, I’ve been called names, shoved, and more. When I am out walking, if a car pulls up to ask for directions - I refuse to help (two abductions of adult women in my neighborhood over the past couple of months). Once I was alone on the train with a man and a woman. The man was near me, and pulled out his penis and masturbated. I yelled at him to stop, and the woman told me that I should have let him do it because now he was stuck with no release and was going to go do something worse to another woman.

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These things sadly leave me both reeling and feeling like I have done something horrific to the “poor man.”

A few weeks ago, I saw two middle aged men ogling a young woman (could have been teens/20s) they sat right with her on the bus and talked to her the whole trip. She was so polite to them - it made me nervous for her. I kept watch the whole time - luckily they got off before her.

I don’t know my point in writing about this - but we need to socialize our girls to not feel a need to be polite and to feel like we can speak up and take care of ourselves. We need to socialize our boys to not feel like they own women and have the right to do whatever they want to us.

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In the meantime, the delivery service offered to ban the delivery guy from delivering to me. Do I want this? Am I making too much out of it? Why on earth am I doubting what my intuition saw so clearly just yesterday?