*me sitting in the living room, minding my own business*

Greg: *checks phone* you know I don’t like it when my girlfriend call me all the time and wants to hang out all the time, but then when she does give me space I want her to call and but then I don’t want her to call. You know? And then I get self conscious that she’s not calling You know?

Me: ......

Greg: Come on you know what I’m talking about.

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Me: She should dump you. I would dump you.

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Greg: For wanting my space?

Me: for playing fucked up mind games

ETA: Commentary from my cousin

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“You need to get a nanny cam, to make sure greg isn’t coming into your room at night and being weird.”

me: WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?????