I really dislike brunch. Like, really really. Here's why:

  1. I'm a boozer, but drinking in the late morning just never feels right. And drinking in the very early afternoon fucks my shit up.
  2. Mimosas are an abomination.
  3. I'm always going to want lunch. And brunch menus always have, like, 2 lunch offerings. And 85% of the time it's salads. If it's half lunch, half breakfast, THERE SHOULD BE MORE LUNCH FOOD.
  4. Waiting in line to eat makes me pissy. There's always a line for brunch. Because, as we learned from Buzzfeed, brunch is basic.
  5. Bloody Marys are an abomination.
  6. I'd rather be sleeping.
  7. Eggs should be eaten scrambled or fried. Not with weird sauces.
  8. Too. Many. Fucking. Kids.
  9. And also lots of waiters who look like they might stab you because they don't want to be there either.
  10. Coffee and cigarettes is the breakfast of champions. Maybe a croissant. But they never have those on the fucking brunch menu either.