I'm half Irish, my mom is 100%

I remember when my sister and i were in public middle school my mom pulled us out of school to attend the parade downtown. Well, that never happened again. To get downtown in Cleveland you HAVE to take the RTA line. Because St. Patrick's is such a huge deal in Cleveland (seriously, why???) the RTA cars were packed, mushed person to person, it felt like a clown car. There were so many catholic school girls & boys who of course get the day off from school. They were all drunk, seriously every single one them was already trashed on the way there.

At some point one of the catholic school girls let out the longest vomit ever, while we still had 6 stops to get downtown. My sister and i pulled our feet up because the vomit started passing us on the floor. My mom was furious, but didn't say anything just yet. She wanted this day to be special for us, to celebrate our heritage. I have a feeling that this was my mom's first SPD rodeo.


Once we finally got off the train at Tower City, all hell broke loose. Try keeping track of anyone in a giant mass of pushy green. Somehow we managed to make our way outside and into the street. The cops nearly outnumbered everyone else there, like they were prepared for war.

I saw drunk idiots dry humping in alleys, men throwing bottles over other men's heads. People drinking green beer that looked like dirty green water trash. I saw green boas, shamrock glasses and assholes everywhere.


My mom said that years ago the parade used to be for families, but it so clearly was not somewhere children should be anymore. We ended up leaving after 15 minutes, never got to see the parade.

St. Patrick's Day doesn't mean what it should, instead drunk young idiots took it for themselves. I will never be able to participate in a "holiday" that has nothing to do with my heritage.