First of all TMI, second of all, I’m sorry all of you hear my complaining about this subject. All. The. Time.

I feel so cheated. I was told there would be glowing. The only way I’m glowing is the amount of sweat and oil my body is secreting. I was told there would be a cute baby bump. It is not cute or round. Its square. SQUARE. I wasn’t told about how I wouldn’t poop. I can’t have a glass of wine when my work day is shitty. Stay active during pregnancy? I’m out of breath walking across the store I work in. Eating healthy? Lol, I gagged over a salad the other day. But that’s not even the worst part.

My doctor said I was cleared and could have sex again. So over the past few days I’ve found that I can’t orgasm right now. Before I couldn’t orgasm during sex every once in a while, but I can’t orgasm by myself. With toys. I was told pregnancy orgasms were the bomb and when the mood strikes and I want to get busy? It’s a dead zone down there.

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I already strongly disliked being pregnant. But this? This Mother Nature? This isn’t even cute. You can’t just deprive me of everything nice in life. I mean I realize that my doctor could’ve decided that sex wasn’t safe at all the entire pregnancy, but still. What do I have left in my life to enjoy? NOT ORGASMS. I REALLY LIKED THOSE. THANKS OBAMA.