ATTN: Parents

Subject: Nomenclature/Hypocrisy/WTF

Want your child to get ahead? Want to make sure they climb that social ladder like a monkey after the last banana?

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You thought the name Carly meant "song of joy"? WRONG. This working class name in fact means that your child is DOOMED. She will never complete her homework. She will never be invited for play dates.

You have been warned.

Tl;dr: go straight to 5.00