In today’s episode of What The Fuck, Men? our setting is a street nearby my house on my way to my office. Our heroine is walking along a sidewalk wearing a long black raincoat, black boots, hood up, basically no shape or form on show whatsoever, because the weather is appalling. Our heroine briefly notices a dude from across the street and 20 yards away who looks a bit Jared Leto-ish, who is carrying shopping bags and walking in the opposite direction. Our heroine then immediately loses interest, because she must get to her office and start working and doesn’t actually give much of a shit about Jared Leto, and starts wondering about stuff like wet leaves and coffee (no relation to one another).

And then, when Jared Leto and Heroine are five feet apart on the same sidewalk (with Heroine having crossed the road and now obliviously looking at some sticks on the ground and listening to a podcast), Leto suddenly appears in Heroine’s field of vision (which is quite physically close because the rain hood had obscured my peripherals) going “QUAAAAACK QUACKQUACKQUACKQUACK!” into Heroine’s face! And then keeps walking away.


Heroine’s comeback was “Whaaaat... the fuck is wrong with you?” and also continuing to walk.

What the hell just happened? Like, that wasn’t even a sex/pickup thing. Dude wasn’t anyone I’ve seen before, I didn’t look at him for longer than it took to notice that he was a potential sidewalk-obstacle, nothing of my face or body was on display, there was no audience for him to be impressing, he wasn’t a teenager, he wasn’t using a pickup line, I wasn’t in his way (in fact he had to change his walking course to get in my face like that), and he was... quacking? I can’t think of any thought process he might have had for this encounter other than “single woman, imma try to be weird and intimidate her.” Other theories?

Finally, is it just me or is it always men who do this stuff? Not all men, okay, but when it happens, it’s always a dude, right?