Fuck you, Doctor lady who didn't take the FIVE FUCKING MINUTES it takes to test InfectiousGirl for mono because you looked at a chart and were like "Oh well, you can't have mono because your white blood cell count isn't high," ignoring the fact that Epstein-Barr's gestation period is such that its early stages aren't going to trip your white blood cell count. Good job then prescribing anti-biotics blindly while ignoring the fact that if it WAS mono (or any other viral agent), anti-biotics were A REALLY FUCKING STUPID IDEA. Why, do you ask? HIVES. HIVES ARE WHY.

It's a rapid blood test, you giant sack of douche — you couldn't spare five minutes out of your busy fucking schedule to do your goddamn job? We're not talking about a motherfucking MRI here.

I have literally never taken a single medical course in my life. I know all these things purely from living with someone who's in grad school for Public Health (and who has a depressing tendency to blindly trust what Doctors tell her because they SHOULD know what the fuck they're doing even when they don't), but EVEN I KNOW THIS SHIT, and I am barely competent enough to put on pants in the morning (which puts me exactly one rung higher than Congress). You, meanwhile, have a degree that you (or, more likely, your parents) presumably paid a lot of money for. CLEARLY IT WAS MONEY WELL-SPENT.

Oh, also, I almost certainly also have mono considering that my symptomatic progression is one week behind InfectiousGirl's. SO THAT'S FUN. I strongly suspect that if I were in InfectiousGirl's shoes, I would've gotten prescribed the same thing, only I'd be dead because I'm allergic to Penicillin, only Doctor Dipshits McGillicutty PROBABLY WOULD'VE PRESCRIBED IT ANYWAY.

#Dayquilisthemotherfuckingbest