Hey, guy. How are you? I mean, aside from really amped for some sports thing. I know that's the sich since you are shouting at the top of your lungs and jumping up and down periodically at 1 AM.

What the fuck are you even shouting at?! WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING. There are no baseball games on now, no hockey games, no basketball, and it isn't football season. Are you shouting at QVC at 1 AM? I really hope you are. I really, really hope that you just cannot contain your rampant excitement every time they show the Power Xtreme Juicemaster 4000.

Just checked on ESPN.com...apparently you are one of five Americans who gives a shit about some dumbass "friendly" (whatever the fuck that is) soccer match between the US and Mexico. Which is on at 1 AM on a fucking Wednesday night for some goddamn reason. Even the West Coast games in non-shitty sports have ended by now, dude. Give up the goddamn ghost. Btw, if "friendly" means an exhibition match (which is what I suspect), you're even more of a dipshit, because you're losing your mind over what amounts to a fucking pointless pre-season game. Awesome job there.

Seriously, go fuck yourself with a rake and die in a fire. It's 1 goddamn AM and people are trying to sleep. Not me — I'm a writer, which means I sleep only when I've run out of booze. But some people.